Ladies First.

Of late, "Feminism" has become arguably one of the most feared words and "Feminists" have come to earn labels like "Man haters" and "Feminazis". So much so that the actual meaning- the interpretation of what it means to be a feminist- is now blurry to most. But that's not the most unfortunate part. The most unfortunate part, in my opinion, is the fact that it's not the men, but the women who contribute to a skewed interpretation of what it means to be a Feminist. 

In the age of social media frenzy that we live in, the need to be politically correct seems to override everything, sometimes even plain logic. Ads and movie scenes and dialogues which may have been totally uncontroversial say, ten years ago- are now subject to extreme scrutiny and are combed for sexist tones, if any. Doing so is most definitely welcome and I couldn't be happier about it, but going overboard with it is simply silly, and sometimes downright ridiculous. 

To cite a common example, the charcter played by Anushka Sharma in the hit movie Sultan faced a lot of flak for what was largely perceived as "regressive". I happened to read many articles criticising the decision of the character to give up her wrestling career in order to sit at home and have a baby. 

And this is not limited to just what is portrayed on screen. Women are now being judged by other women based on the roles they chose to play in their own lives. What is disturbing to me is the increasing perception that career women are "strong, independent women of today" and women who manage both work and home are "superwomen" and those who are housewives are largely perceived to be living a life of mundane domesticity, compulsion- forced/coerced out of their could have been careers. 

I find this wrong on just too many levels. For me, feminism is nothing more or nothing less than simply giving a woman freedom to make her own choices and the freedom to do so without being judged for the choices she makes. Now whether she chooses to wear a miniskirt or go out in a hijaab/saree, it is her own choice and choosing one over the other neither makes her necessarily progressive nor does it make her regressive. Whether it be the freedom to choose whom to marry, when to marry, whether to marry, whether to pursue a career or to stay at home, whether to cook or employ a maid....let it be her own choice. And let those choices not be judged thereafter.  That for me, is Feminism. Nothing else. 

In our fast evolving world, the freedom to make those choices is now thankfully being provided to a large number of urban women, if not rural. But the judgement she has to face for making the choice that she does, is still rampant. And here is where the women trump men. It is the women who judge other women and give her all sorts of labels, trying to push her into an either/or model of being progressive/regressive. Career woman? Double Thumbs Up- you go girl!!! Housewife? Poor You- Bechaari.

I see no reason why a housewife, who by her own free will, decided to spend more time with her family or children be considered any less than the female CEO of a MNC. Both jobs require a high level of commitment and are very rewarding in their own right. A woman who gives her man the support he needs to become successful is to be lauded as much as the woman who is at the very top of the corporate ladder and no doubt has a supportive husband/ family behind her as well. A career woman neglecting a family need not be lauded or defended for doing so, just like being a man neck deep in work not making time for family is nothing to be proud of. That, is equality.

Independence need not be equated with financial independence every single time, I'd rather it be equated with the freedom to make your own choices and not being judged for them.

Of course, there is inequality. Of course, we fight patriarchy every day. But in the race to beat patriarchy, let's not forget how fantastic it is to BE a Woman. Let's not forget to celebrate the very many wonderful roles we can play as women in different phases of our lives. Let's not turn on each other for the choices we make as women, let's learn to respect them instead. The men may/may not understand the fundamentals of Feminism, but it does have to start with the ladies first, eh ladies?